Choose To Love
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I have witness the ending of many marriages based on the absence of the loving feeling. Sadly, many people walk down the isles committing to the loving feeling and not the covenant promises of marriage. Why gather your friends, family and marriage partner promising for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death due you part when you don’t mean it?
How scary to be in a marriage that is based on feelings instead of the promise. The security that marriage should bring does not exist because it’s foundation is built upon feelings. Feelings are forever changing.
As adults, we should strive for making decisions that reflect smart outcome. If we are caught speeding and receive a ticket, we must pay the fine. Happy or not, it is the mature choice for us. If we are sick, we take the nasty tasting medicine. Happy or not, it is the mature choice for us. When we need to lose weight, we cut out the junk foods. Happy or not, it too, is the mature choice for us. God expects us to make wise choices. We are accountable to Him for those choices.
In each of the scenarios above, if we are unable to resolve the matters we would hire a professional. For the speeding ticket issue we would hire a lawyer. With the illness we would hire a doctor. With the weight loss issue we would contract with a gym and maybe hire a trainer. In marriage however, we rarely, if even, seek professional help to resolve our issues. Sadly, our marriages are the one place we allow our feelings to rule. It is also the place we continue to apply self-help even when the self-help is clearing failing us.
A professional therapist, counselor or marriage coach can help us understand and master the skills of training our heart to follow our wise decisions. If we rid ourselves of all our negative emotions, trajectories and ego, we would find that pure love remains. That pure love should be our foundation. We can be taught how to rekindle our love for one another. The truth is, most couples who have withstood the test of time did so by mastering falling in love with their spouse again and again. Both our heart and mind can be trained to work in harmony.
Marriage is supposed to be one of the most secure places for us to grow. There is supposed to be enough love for the days that we are not so loveable. That is one of the promises of marriage.
We must not let the days of not liking our spouse cause us to abandon our covenant promises. Let’s not allow our minds to begin to wander. Let us not waste time thinking about greener grass. Let us put in the work of de-weeding and fertilizing the lawn we have committed to. Consider the beauty of proverbs five.
15 Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. Let them be only your own. A loving doe, a graceful deer—Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. 19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love. May her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
While the scripture speaks to a man, the advice it useful for us all. Let’s not renege on our covenant promises. Let’s get the help we need so we are able to continue in our great decisions of marriage.
Covenant Marriage Prayer
Father God, I bring all my emotions, disappointments, failures to you. Please replace them for wisdom, hope and forgiveness. Father, help me to remove negative emotions, trajectories and ego. Help me get to a place of pure love. I want to give it and receive it.
Help me remove the plank from my own eye that I may see clearly to help remove the splinter from my spouse’s eye. Help me to know when and where to go if I need help. Help me not be prideful and slow to move in getting help to repair the damage we have already created.
Help me pay attention to Your wisdom. Help me to lend my ear to Your understanding. Help me to preserve good judgement. Make my lips keep knowledge. Let the decisions of my heart and mind bring glory to You and my spouse.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
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